“Meet. Eat. F*#%.” is Not a Plan

Despite popular opinion, there’s more to seeing an escort than secret, furtive meetings in poorly lit hotels. Sometimes, we’re booked to enhance an experience and ::gasp:: actually be seen in public with our clients. Yes, that’s right— wanton women (and men!) being allowed to socialize with the unsuspecting public. Eating at the same restaurants, visiting the same museums, cheering for the same sports teams! It’s shocking, I know. I kid, of course, but the truth is going out with an escort can be a daunting, anxiety-inducing experience, especially if it’s your first time. But you shouldn’t let your fear of judgmental maître d’s or nosy bystanders stop you from indulging in what many would agree is one of the world’s ultimate luxuries: An extended date with a beautiful escort whose sole focus is making your time together exceptional. So before your next trip to the opera (or theme park, or hot springs, or whatever fun excursion you’re planning), make sure you’re getting the absolute most out of your date by remembering a few key tips:

  • Have a Plan
    Okay, okay, okay, I know this sounds painfully obvious, but the number one tip for a successful public outcall is to have a solid plan. “Meet. Eat. F*#%.” is not a plan. To ensure that your date goes as smoothly as possible, take the time to work out all the little details ahead of time. Make reservations, buy tickets, know how you’re going to get there and back (are you going to arrive separately? Meet at your hotel and Uber there together?), decide on the order of the activities you have planned, let your date know if they should wear or bring anything in particular (example: “It’s a long walk from the parking garage to the theater, make sure you have comfortable shoes”)… and so on and so on. For you fly by the seat of your pants types, this may seem like an unnecessary hassle, but I promise you your date will appreciate knowing what to expect. Besides, you’re paying for your date’s time. Do you really want to waste it standing around waiting for a table? Which brings me to my second tip…

 

  • Book Enough Time
    Most providers have a minimum booking length for certain activities. For example, dinner dates with me have to be at least 4 hours long to ensure that there’s enough time for everything we want to enjoy together. But when your plans are more complicated than that, always err on the side of caution and book a little more time than you think you’ll need. It’s amazing how much time gets eaten up by transitioning from one activity to another. The mad crush to leave the theater after a play, the 20 minute line for the ladies room after a football game, traffic, getting showered and dressed after a spa date— it all takes time. So rather than trying to cram a 6 hour date into 4 hours, either book a longer appointment or narrow down your list of activities. No matter how much fun you’re having, when time is up, your date is over. Don’t get caught with your pants around your ankles (literally or figuratively) because you didn’t book enough time.

 

  • Know your “Story”
    This next point doesn’t apply to everyone. But if your date is more than 10 years younger than you, chances are you’re going to get some looks when you go out together. In fact, some particularly nosy nobodies might even feel compelled to ask you about the nature of your relationship. There isn’t an escort in the world who hasn’t at some point in their career been forced to kindly inform a bellman/hostess/server/cabbie, “No, that is not my father.” It is what it is. However, if the idea of some stranger assuming that you’re out with someone who isn’t your spouse makes you break out in hives and a flop sweat, do yourself a favor and come up with a “story” ahead of time. Depending on the particular circumstances of your date, you can introduce your date as anything from your colleague, to your niece or nephew, to your life coach. It doesn’t really matter as long as you feel comfortable with it and you let your date know what’s going on. A good “story” is also helpful if either of you happen to find yourselves in the painfully awkward situation of running into someone you know from your personal life. Depending on how well they know you, they might not buy it, but it’s a hell of a lot better than standing there like a deer in headlights when they ask, “And who’s this?” That being said, it’s incredibly important that you and your date….

 

  • Make Sure You’re on the Same Page About PDA
    It’s going to be a lot harder to sell the story that your escort is actually your goddaughter if she’s perched on your lap and whispering in your ear like you’re Santa in a Brioni suit. A good provider will usually try and gauge your comfort levels with PDA and match what you seem to like. But if you’d rather save the hand holding and kisses for behind closed doors, let them know ahead of time. This is especially important if you’ve booked someone who offers “The Girlfriend Experience” since chances are, she’ll assume that that kind of public affection is what you’re looking for. As with any successful date, communication is key. Before your booking, let your provider know if you’re looking for a more discreet public outing or if you’re totally okay with her licking creme brûlée off your fingers while you canoodle in your corner booth.

 

  • Dress the Part
    My motto when going out as Ava St. Claire is, “Dress to turn heads, not raise eyebrows.” A good escort has to balance about a dozen different things when choosing what to wear on a date. Everything from the venue, to the time of day, to any special requests that their date has, all come into play when deciding on an outfit. Nothing screams, “LOOK AT MY FANCY RENT-A-DATE!” like asking them to show up in full hooker drag while you’re in a pair of khaki shorts and a polo shirt. Look, I know this is supposed to be your fantasy, but if you’ve invited her to the opera and you also insist that she wear fishnets and a latex dress… you’re kind of being a dick. If you really want to see her in those thigh-high Pretty Woman boots, kindly request that she bring them with her to change into once you’re both behind closed doors. There are few escorts who really want to spend their whole night being gawked at because they’re dressed inappropriately for the occasion. As for you— put in a little effort. This obviously doesn’t apply if you two are going hiking or something, but if you’re taking your date somewhere with a roof and seats, step up your game and dress like someone they’d be proud to be out with. They might not say anything when you show up at the coolest rooftop bar in town wearing a Bass Pro Shop t-shirt tucked into your cargo shorts, but I can promise you they’ll be crying on the inside.

 

  • Be Prepared with the Donation
    Donation, rate, consideration, fee, whatever you want to call it, it’s up to you to make sure that your date gets it first thing. What’s the easiest way to do this without calling unnecessary attention to yourself? Surprise— it’s going to take a little planning. Personally, my favorite method is the ol’ “pretend celebration” route. Just buy a greeting card and tuck the money inside. When you meet, simply hand over the totally normal-looking envelope and say something like, “Happy Birthday!” or “Congratulations!”. Anyone who happens to notice you will just think you’re out together celebrating something other than consensual sex work. Bonus points if you add an actual gift for extra believability!

…That’s about it! Sure it’s a little more work than your average Tinder date, but it’s also a hell of a lot more rewarding. And here’s the really good news: even if literally everything goes wrong and your reservation gets lost and your date is wearing the wrong shoes and you forget your sunscreen and run into your 3rd grade teacher and ohmygodI’vescrewedeverythingup— Relax. You’re with a professional. We’ve been through all of that and worse and no matter what happens, we’re going to do everything in our power to make the best of it and show you the time of your life. So what are you waiting for? Go book the date of your dreams already!

Xx
A.

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