Dear Ava: on seeing escorts in the wild, first time clients, and more…

As anyone who’s ever even dipped a toe into the world of escorts can tell you: despite the sexy, glamorous facade, the whole industry is built on a system of rules and procedures. Follow the rules and you’re guaranteed a good time. Break them and you’ll find yourself blacklisted before you can say, “Whoopsie!”. Most of the time all you need to get by is courtesy and a bit of common sense, but occasionally we find ourselves in situations where the “right” answer isn’t quite so easy to come by. In those cases, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone that you could ask without fear of being judged or laughed at? Well, now you do. Starting today, I’ll be writing a weekly advice column for clients and providers alike. Whether you’re grappling with an etiquette question that you won’t find in any Emily Post book or looking for help deciding on the best way to deal with a tricky situation, I’ll do my best to give you straightforward, honest answers… With a touch of snark and the occasional doodle, just to keep things interesting.

*Note: Since I announced this project I’ve been flooded with questions, so forgive me if I didn’t get a chance to answer yours this week. I promise I’ll get to you soon!*


Dear Ava,
What’s the best and safest way to start spending time with an escort? Do I need to have references?

Congratulations on deciding to join the rest of us deviants! I’m excited for you to pop your figurative cherry! The very first thing you need to understand is that not all providers utilize the same screening methods. So the very first thing you should do is find a provider that you want to see and read their website. The majority of us have a page dedicated to outlining our screening and booking process so that you can understand ahead of time what is required of you. For your very first time, you’ll need to find someone who is “newbie friendly” and will screen you using something other than references (because, duh, you don’t have any yet). Now, be ready to cough up some personal information. More likely than not, you’ll be expected to share— at the very least— your full name, phone number, and email address. Beyond that, it really depends on the provider. It may be a bit of a hassle to find someone whose methods align with what you’re comfortable sharing, but whatever you do, do not try and convince a provider to make any kind of screening exceptions for you. It doesn’t matter if their screening requirements include your mother’s maiden name, your blood type, and a letter of recommendation from your sixth grade science teacher. You have two options: either give them what they’re asking for, or don’t see them. It’s that simple. Screening our clients, whether by using references or any other method, is how we make sure that we feel safe and comfortable allowing you unsupervised access to our bodies. If you make us feel like you have something to hide, you are guaranteeing yourself a lonely night full of hand lotion and wadded up Kleenex. But if you do your research, follow the provider’s rules, and are forthcoming with your information, you should have no problem setting up your first meeting… And every one after that.


Dear Ava,
How does a client respectfully ask for specific acts, especially on a first time meeting? On the one hand, we are told that no discussion of specific sex acts should occur before the meeting, and that we may get blocked if our communication is too explicit. On the other hand, some providers may need to know what they might need to do to prepare, or what to bring, and some will require an additional fee for certain activities. Thank you!

This is a tricky question to answer since depending on the laws where you’re meeting, even just discussing specific sex acts may force your provider to wade into some murky legal waters. Ideally, if there’s something that you’re looking for (and the provider in question doesn’t mention it in their ads or website, or have reviews for you to peruse in advance) you’ll just wait until you meet them in person and ask then. If what you’re looking for requires props, tools, costumes, etc. purchase and bring them yourself. If you’re worried about fees, just be prepared with additional money. But, if what you’re looking for is a deal breaker and you simply have to know if it’s on the table before you meet, wait until after you’ve been screened (so that they know that you’re serious) and politely send them a message asking if they’re comfortable discussing some of the details about your session ahead of time. If they’re okay with that, feel free to be a little more open about what you’re looking for. As always, be polite and respectful of their time and you should be just fine.


Dear Ava,
As a client, if one of my favorite companions is planning to tour my city during a time when I already have a date booked with another provider (and circumstances are such that I can’t arrange to see both of them), should I cancel with the provider I’ve already booked so that I can see my favorite? Should I tell my favorite why I won’t be able to meet? Sometimes choices are not easy nor fair 😉

There are certainly worse conundrums to find yourself in than being torn between two amazing experiences! There’s no “right” answer to this one, but there are a couple of things I think you should consider before you make your decision. First of all, how far away is this date? Last minute cancellations are the absolute worst, especially if a provider is touring. But if we’re talking about a session scheduled for a month from now, you definitely have a little more flexibility to cancel if you just can’t bear the idea of missing out on seeing your Fave. If you do decide to go that route, make sure you pay her cancellation fee, if she has one, or send her a little gift as a way of saying, “Sorry you got bumped for a finer piece of ass.” Another thing to consider is how much time you booked with the first provider. They’ll probably recover pretty easily from the loss of a one hour date, but a cancelled dinner date or overnight might be more of an issue as far as their schedule and their earnings are concerned. Either way, I don’t recommend actually explaining the situation to either lady, whatever you decide. A simple, “Sorry, I won’t be able to keep our date” or “Unfortunately, I’m just not going to be able to see you this trip” will work just fine. And again, never underestimate the power of a gift to redeem you in situations like this. Speaking of gifts…


Dear Ava,

My question is on the subject of gifts. Should the lady acknowledge the gift, not necessarily in public, but in some way? Or should the gifter have no other expectation of acknowledgement once the gift is given?

We all know that sincere gifts should be given without the expectation of receiving anything in return. But at the same time, no one wants to feel unappreciated when they do go out of their way to make someone else’s day a little brighter with a token of affection. So it isn’t crazy to expect, at the very least, a thank you. Most providers understand this and will either send you a private note of gratitude or a fun Tweet tho acknowledge your generosity in a more public way. But what does it mean if you send a gift and the only thing you get in return is radio silence? Well, before you go writing off the recipient as an ungrateful little tart with a heart of stone, consider that maybe they don’t know who sent the gift. I speak from personal experience on this one. Occasionally gifts ordered for me from my Amazon wishlist will not allow the sender to include a note. When that happens, I end up receiving presents with absolutely no way of knowing who sent them. A good way to avoid this problem is to send a separate personal message to the recipient as soon as you send the gift. Example: “Hey Ava! I wanted to let you know that I just ordered the hot pink leather flask gift set off of your Amazon wishlist. It’s scheduled to be delivered by June 6th. Please let me know when it arrives. Hope you like it!” It’s also perfectly alright to email someone you’ve sent a gift to if you haven’t heard anything in response. Something quick and polite like, “Hi Ava! Just wanted to make sure you didn’t have any trouble accessing the Whole Foods gift card that I sent you last night. Would you mind letting me know that you received it? Thanks!” will give the provider the perfect opportunity to remember their manners and thank you for your generosity, without making them feel bad about not having done so in the first place.


Dear Ava,

If I happen to see you out in public, should I ignore you entirely, smile or wink, or even give a friendly wave or a hearty “Hey, babe, how’s the escort business?!” Guessing probably not that​ last one.

Good guess! Ladies and gentlemen I will say this in all caps so that there is no confusion whatsoever on this topic. If you see an escort out and about (as in, not while currently on a date with you) SAY NOTHING. DO NOTHING. IGNORE THEM COMPLETELY. It doesn’t matter if you’ve met them a dozen times before, it doesn’t matter if they’re alone, it doesn’t matter if you’re in a supermarket or a sex shop or the lobby of the very hotel where you just met. DO NOT APPROACH OR ACKNOWLEDGE THEM IN ANY WAY. You don’t have to panic and dive into the nearest bush, but for the love of all that is good and holy, just LEAVE US ALONE. Don’t snap a picture and text us “Omg— is this you in the stained cut off shorts and flip flops buying a box of tampons at CVS right now?” either. Just thank the goddess that you were blessed with the opportunity to see us in the wild (like a sexy bald eagle!) and go about your damn business.



Feel free to send me all of your burning questions for next week’s post! Direct Messages me on Twitter @MsAvaStClaire or email me directly at

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