Dear Ava: on sneaky threesomes, dealing with rate increases, and more…

This week: what to do when your favorite escort raises her rates out of your budget, the ethicality of planning a threesome with a provider and your unwitting wife, and more!

Dear Ava,
So let’s say I’m ready to arrange a rendezvous with a SW I haven’t seen before and she is asking for the typical screening info; a referral OR business info (email, linked in, company website etc). Is it ok to provide her with just the business screening info instead of the referral? Would this be considered a lie? The assumption being that the SW thinks that I am new to the business?

Technically speaking, if her screening process requires either references or employment information, you’re free to choose whichever you’d like. There are plenty of good reasons to opt for employment verification over references. Some providers simply don’t offer references in the first place. Not to mention, employment verification is usually much faster than contacting references and waiting around for them to respond. It also adds an additional layer of security, proving that the name you gave us is actually your name and not just an alias that you use when booking providers. However. If you have seen other providers within the last year or so, it would probably be in your best interest to disclose that information to the lady you’re attempting to book. The thing is, most providers have multiple ways of screening that go beyond references and employment info. If another provider has recently screened you, there’s a good chance that the provider that you’re attempting to see will find out. And even though you may have chosen not to provider references for a perfectly valid reason, it could look like you have something to hide. Suddenly, you’ve got us wondering if the real reason that you didn’t provide references is because you had a bad experience with your last provider. So rather than send us down the rabbit hole of suspicion, I suggest that you let the provider that you’re attempting to book know that you’ve seen other women and explain the reason that you prefer to use employment verification. For example: “Hey Ava, I just wanted to give you a heads up regarding my screening information. I chose to provide you with my employment information instead of provider references because I don’t want to miss the opportunity to meet you simply because my references didn’t get back to you in time (or whatever your reason is). If you would feel more comfortable reaching out to the last providers I saw, I’d be happy to give you their contact information in addition to my employment information.” As is so often the case in this world, a little bit of communication can go a long way towards making sure that everyone feels safe and comfortable.

 

Dear Ava,
A provider that I saw twice over the past year has recently started emailing me every couple of weeks. Friendly stuff about what she’s been up to and referencing things we talked about when we were together. I don’t know if she’s trying to drum up some business over what I hear is a slow time of year, of if she’s just bored or lonely. The problem is, I’m not really interested in seeing her again. She’s a nice woman, but we just didn’t “click” the way that I have with some other ladies. I usually respond to her paragraph long emails with a one or two sentence reply, but she doesn’t seem to be getting the hint. What’s a nice way to let her know that I’m just not interested?

More likely than not, business is a little slow for her right now. Reaching out to past clients with a friendly “remember me?” email can sometimes be a good way to book an appointment or two. Since you had booked her twice in the past and had a good (if not wonderful) time, she probably assumed that you’d take the bait eventually and book again. If that’s not going to happen and she doesn’t seem to be catching the lack of enthusiasm in your replies, you’re going to have to say something a little more direct. Rather than tell her outright that she’s totally misjudged your interest in her (which might put her on the defensive), I suggest that you gently let her know that you’d prefer to reach out to her when and if you’re ready to make another appointment. Try something like this: “Hey Ava! Thanks for the update, I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. If you’re worried that I’ve forgotten you, I haven’t! I still have your contact info and know how to get a hold of you if I decide to book another appointment. Until then, take care and enjoy your summer!” If she still doesn’t get the hint and the emails keep coming, it’s perfectly okay to simply stop responding.

 

Dear Ava,
I’ve been seeing a wonderful lady for the past 3 years every time I visit her city (about 4 times a year). A few days ago she announced in her monthly newsletter that she would be raising her rates by like $200 an hour at the beginning of the new year and wouldn’t be grandfathering anyone in at her old rates. Around the same time I’ll be leaving my job to start a new company and definitely making less money, at least for a while. I really like this lady and don’t want to stop seeing her, but I just don’t know how I’ll be able to afford it at her new rates. What’s the best way to ask her if she can make an exception for me and let me pay her old rates for a while until I get established in my new job? I’ve been a good, reliable client for a long time. That has to count for something, right?

Um…. no. No to all of this. No, there is no “best” way to ask her to make an exception for you. No, being a self-proclaimed “good client” doesn’t mean you get special favors. No, I will not help you figure out a way to undermine this woman. There’s no ambiguity here. She specifically said that she wouldn’t be grandfathering anyone in at her old rates, which means she’s considered the possibility that she may lose previous clients… And is perfectly okay with that. You might not be, but that’s not her problem. By asking her for a discount (because once her rates are raised, that’s exactly what it would be) is at best tacky, and at worst a very clear indication that you do not respect this woman or her business decisions. Enjoy spending time with her while you can and once you cannot, either save your pennies until you can afford to see her again or go find someone in your price range. But do not under any circumstances, ask her to make an exception for you on the basis that you’re a “good client”. Because nothing turns a good client into a blacklisted one like trying to take money out of our pockets.

 

Dear Ava,
My wife and I sometimes talk about having a threesome with another woman. She’s always been bi-curious but the opportunity to explore it has just never come up. My wife doesn’t know that I see escorts, but in my travels I met a woman that would be just her “type”. I’d love to invite her to share this fantasy with my wife and I, but I really don’t know that my wife would agree to seeing a sex worker. Is it okay to set something up without my wife’s knowledge and let the situation play out like it was a coincidence? I was thinking of maybe setting it up so this provider would be at the same bar as us at the same time, then have her try and seduce my wife casually. Am I crazy for thinking this might work?

While you definitely aren’t crazy (I’ve been asked to be the provider in similar situations more than a few times), I have to tell you that I really don’t think it’s a good idea. Consent is always the first step in any sexual fantasy. Even if your wife consents to fooling around with a hot woman at a bar, she is not consenting to getting intimate with a sex worker. And if you have to trick your partner into participating in a fantasy (even if it’s theirs), it’s not a good plan. Don’t get me wrong, I understand where you’re coming from. Your wife gets to have the best possible first time experience with someone who has been hand picked just for her and who you know won’t threaten your relationship in any way. It’s perfect, really! You know, except for the whole lying to your wife about who she’s having sex with thing. If you’re serious about making this fantasy a reality, you’re going to have to be honest with your wife. Talk to her openly about the idea of hiring a professional to spice things up. Ask her about her concerns, find articles on the subject online, browse your local escort directory together. You might even suggest meeting an escort for a strictly platonic date to let your wife get comfortable with her ahead of time. Whatever you decide, however you proceed— just remember that the two of you have to be on the same page about what’s going on.

 

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Feel free to send me all of your burning questions for next week’s post! Direct Message me on Twitter @MsAvaStClaire, or email me directly at Ava@MeetAvaStClaire.com

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