Dear Ava: On suspected drug habits, staying under the radar, and more…

This week, I teach a newbie how to become a super sneak (or at least not get caught with his pants around his ankles), discuss the various things an escort might be doing in the privacy of the bathroom (you’d be amazed), and help a provider decide on how to handle last minute appointment requests.

Dear Ava,
I have been seeing a beautiful escort for a little more than a year now. Although never directly in front of me, she uses drugs. I would never say she has a “drug problem”;  never any dramatic mood changes, always alert and intelligent, sexually safe, etc. I don’t know which drugs she uses:  she takes frequent and prolonged bathroom breaks, which would imply coke, but she is never extra chatty or jittery or euphoric when she comes back. My ethical issue: What worries me is that my patronage may be enabling or facilitating her path to addiction, and I feel guilty about that.  What is the right thing to do?  Should I stop seeing her, or just butt out?

So let me see if I’ve got this straight. Despite the fact that you’ve never seen her use drugs, never given her drugs yourself, and never witnessed any behavioral indicators that she’s on drugs… you’ve somehow managed to convince yourself that she’s a drug addict? Look, there are about a million perfectly valid reasons that she takes a lot of bathroom breaks. For all you know, the poor woman might suffer from recurring urinary tract infections. Or have a sick kid at home to check in on. Or need to readjust the female condom she’s wearing. Or have to check her blood sugar. Or pick pubes out of her teeth. Or pump breast milk. Or pass gas. Or reschedule her mother’s doctor’s appointment. Or wash her lady bits. Or take cute nude selfies. Or… I could do this all day, but I think you get my point. When we escorts are on a date— especially an extended, multi-hour date— you’re going to have to assume that at some point, we’ll need a little privacy. And since space is usually limited, where do we go to get said privacy? The bathroom. Yes, there is a chance that your provider is doing some kind of weird, pointless drug that causes zero behavioral changes, but based on what you’ve told me, it doesn’t sound likely. If you’re still convinced that she’s suffering from a (very well hidden) drug addiction, talk to her. I wouldn’t suggest leading with your fairly baseless accusation, but you could always say something like, “Hey, you seem to be taking a lot of bathroom breaks today. Are you feeling okay? Is everything alright?” Who knows, she may break down and admit that she really does have a drug problem, in which case I suggest you give her the number for the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP. Or, more likely than not, she’ll tell you something far less dramatic (chronic diarrhea?) and/or ask you to mind your own damn business.


Dear Ava,
I prefer that my clients prebook, but every so often I’ll agree to a same or next-day inquiry if I have the time. However, more often than not, an hour or so after confirming our meeting, the client will reach back out and say they’re “so, so sorry, but a last minute work thing came up and [they] have to cancel/reschedule.” I find this totally maddening, since they already know I made an exception for them.
Here’s what I can’t seem to figure out: I have a 48-hour notice cancellation policy, and clients incur a fee after that. With these last minute bookings-then-cancellations, I’m struggling to make myself enforce this policy. It feels disingenuous, since I agreed to the booking only an hour ago–it’s not like I’ve been holding the date and planning my schedule around it for weeks. But obviously, it takes some labor and working through logistics to arrange any booking, which they’ve now undone. What do you think I should do, short of requiring deposits for every booking?

Been there, my friend. Been there. On both sides of the fence. I’m honestly surprised that my OpenTable account hasn’t been suspended for having made too many overly optimistic reservations that end up getting cancelled 30 minutes later. The big difference is, my local steakhouse isn’t opening their doors and firing up the grill just for me every time I make a reservation that I probably can’t keep. They’re going to be there anyway, so my one last minute booking and subsequent cancellation just isn’t that big of a deal. But providers are not steakhouses. For us, agreeing to a short notice appointment can often require all kinds of logistical finagling. Getting dressed and made up, booking a hotel, getting gas, changing previously scheduled personal engagements, preparing our incall, arranging for child care, postponing meals… there’s a lot that can go into getting ready. So when we offer to do all of that for a client without much advance notice, it can be a huge pain in the ass when it all falls through. The obvious answer is to request a non-refundable deposit for short notice bookings. Yeah, it’ll still suck if they cancel, but at least you’ll be compensated for the hassle of planning and preparing for a date. But I understand that that might not always be practical if you don’t feel like receiving hundreds of dollars of deposits in virtual gift cards, or tempting fate with a cash app like Square or PayPal. If that’s the case, it really comes down to you deciding on what you’re really willing to do to accommodate a last minute appointment request. For me, that means that I’m only available for same day appointments if: I’m already dressed and ready to go out (I refuse to shave my legs for a “maybe” date), I don’t have any other plans that would have to be rescheduled, the client has already been screened, and we don’t have to meet more than 30 minutes away from where I live. If all those boxes aren’t checked, I simply don’t take the booking. Sure I probably could find a way to work it out, even if all those conditions weren’t met, but the stress of making it happen and the disappointment if it doesn’t just aren’t worth it to me. I suggest you figure out what your last minute appointment requirements are and stick to them. It won’t stop guys from jerking you around, but at least it will ensure that you aren’t putting too much effort into accommodating them in the first place.


Dear Ava,
I stumbled onto “Heaux Twitter,” as you call it, a few months ago and since then I’ve decided to finally book my first appointment with one of the amazing escorts I’ve been following. I already know the basics of booking an appointment, but I want to make sure that I’m doing everything I can to be discreet on my end. I’m not talking about getting around screening (I know that’s non-negotiable), but just trying to do this without leaving a trace. As a married man, I can’t afford to slip up. Any tips for hiding my trail?

Good on you for realizing that you are just as responsible for your privacy as we are. I’ve lost a few fantastic clients because of their own lack of discretion and it’s almost always something that could have been avoided. So forgive me if any of these suggestions come across as condescending. I’m speaking not just to you, but to other clients who may not know the first thing about being sneaky.

  1. Use the private mode on your internet browser when doing anything escort related. I once heard a story about a client who got caught because he didn’t realize that Safari was syncing all of the open tabs on his phone browser across all of the devices in his family. Don’t be that guy. Here’s a handy guide for how to utilize private mode on any browser. Use it not just for the obvious things like providers’ websites or advertising sites like Eros and P411, but for everything. Hotel booking websites, Google Maps to get directions to your provider’s incall, Yelp reviews for the restaurant where you’re meeting, all of those things should be done on private mode.
  2. Create a secure email address. An encrypted email address is another important first line of defense. Here’s a list of some of the best ones available. Oh— and when you make your email address, please put some thought into what name you choose. Not only is “JohnnyHardon69” super embarrassing, it’s also incredibly hard to explain away if you accidentally do something silly like send a message from the wrong account. Pick something simple and inconspicuous. Also, be sure to turn off any new mail notifications that may pop up on your computer screen or phone. Kinda defeats the purpose of having a secret email account if messages from your favorite provider pop up in the middle of watching Netflix with your wife.
  3. Get yourself a burner phone number. Let me be clear, I am not suggesting that you use a burner number for screening. If a provider is asking for your phone number, give her the real one. But if your provider wants to talk to you over the phone in advance of your date, or you need a way to stay in contact on the day of, be sure to have an untraceable, disposable phone number to share. Burner brand offers a pretty decent app for just such a purpose.
  4. Create a new social media accounts. If you want to enjoy the fun and games on Heaux Twitter, or check out all of the beauties on Instagram, don’t do it with your personal account. You know, the one with a picture of you and your kid as your profile pic? Get a new one. I feel like this doesn’t even need to be explained.
  5. Create new accounts for anything you share with other people. Amazon, OpenTable, Priceline, American Airlines, Uber, Google… if you use any of these or other services for escort-related shenanigans and you’re not the only person with access to your account, take 2 minutes and create a new one (using your new secure email account, of course). Even Pandora can get you caught if you forget to delete the Sexy Time station you created for your last rendezvous. Which leads me to number 6…
  6. Log out of everything as soon as you’re finished. It’ll be bad enough if your wife sees TER left open on your shared computer. It’ll be significantly worse if you’re still logged in and she can see all your “In Search Of” posts and every review you’ve ever written.
  7. Stay fresh. It seems like a no-brainer, but getting sloppy about personal hygiene has been the downfall of many a man. Hang up your clothes when you arrive at an incall appointment instead of letting them get wrinkled in a pile on the bathroom floor. Be prepared with your own mouthwash or toothbrush. Keep a bottle of Febreeze in your car. Don’t skip the after-appointment shower. Bring fresh underwear. Basically, do whatever you need to do so that no one is the wiser. If you feel like you’re doing too much— you’re probably not.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of everything you can and should do to stay under the radar, but it’s a good place to start. A quick Google search (“Ok, Google— how do I keep from getting caught while hiring escorts?”) will probably bring up dozens more ways to cover your tracks. But for the average guy, this is a good place to start. Just remember, your desire to discreetly step out on your wife should never, ever come at the expense of your provider’s need for safety and security.


Feel free to send me all of your burning questions for next week’s post! Direct Message me on Twitter @MsAvaStClaire, or email me directly at

*Like what I’m doing here? Motivational gifts are always welcome!*


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